Comments on: One Big Mom http://www.lifewiththekid.com/2010/04/09/one-big-mom/ by Amie Klempnauer Miller Wed, 12 Oct 2011 02:51:30 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 By: Thoughts upon reading “She Looks Just Like You” — First Time Second Time http://www.lifewiththekid.com/2010/04/09/one-big-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-118 Thoughts upon reading “She Looks Just Like You” — First Time Second Time Thu, 17 Jun 2010 02:43:18 +0000 http://www.lifewiththekid.com/?p=112#comment-118 [...] (Also note, Amie expands a bit more on her ideas on this at her blog here.) [...] [...] (Also note, Amie expands a bit more on her ideas on this at her blog here.) [...]

]]> By: lyn http://www.lifewiththekid.com/2010/04/09/one-big-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-117 lyn Wed, 16 Jun 2010 23:41:36 +0000 http://www.lifewiththekid.com/?p=112#comment-117 I just finished "She looks just like you" and am now taking a look around here. I appreciated the book, The writing about pregnancy hit very close to home (my wife gave birth to our first). I have since given birth, so now we've both been both non-bio and bio-moms, but that trip through pregnancy and infancy as a non-bio-mom absolutely marked my identity as a parent and my relationship with my kids. It's sometimes hard to pinpoint, but it often manifests as a lot of empathy for dads (I always talk to them at the playground), and a sense of kinship with any parent who might feel like "the other" (e.g. adoptive parents, foster parents). I wrote some about that niggling sense that it really does matter here: http://firsttimesecondtime.com/2009/07/non-bio-mom-manifesto/ I just finished “She looks just like you” and am now taking a look around here. I appreciated the book, The writing about pregnancy hit very close to home (my wife gave birth to our first).

I have since given birth, so now we’ve both been both non-bio and bio-moms, but that trip through pregnancy and infancy as a non-bio-mom absolutely marked my identity as a parent and my relationship with my kids. It’s sometimes hard to pinpoint, but it often manifests as a lot of empathy for dads (I always talk to them at the playground), and a sense of kinship with any parent who might feel like “the other” (e.g. adoptive parents, foster parents). I wrote some about that niggling sense that it really does matter here:

http://firsttimesecondtime.com/2009/07/non-bio-mom-manifesto/

]]> By: Christine http://www.lifewiththekid.com/2010/04/09/one-big-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-78 Christine Sat, 24 Apr 2010 22:25:23 +0000 http://www.lifewiththekid.com/?p=112#comment-78 I've experienced something similar to what you're feeling. Many people that I meet (that are new to my family) as an adult, like to put their ducks in a row and feel the need to classify who is 'real' and who isn't when it comes to my lesbian parents. And that does offend me, to a degree, but I do realize that this is something I can't change: Other peoples need to categorize and/or organize. I have an incredible family unit: A place where no one is above or below the other and where we love like nobody's business. I don't know if my parents ever struggled with what's concerning you. And if they did, I never knew. All I knew is they were one and the same to me. My family. I wish you much peace on your journey, within and out. I’ve experienced something similar to what you’re feeling. Many people that I meet (that are new to my family) as an adult, like to put their ducks in a row and feel the need to classify who is ‘real’ and who isn’t when it comes to my lesbian parents. And that does offend me, to a degree, but I do realize that this is something I can’t change: Other peoples need to categorize and/or organize.

I have an incredible family unit: A place where no one is above or below the other and where we love like nobody’s business. I don’t know if my parents ever struggled with what’s concerning you. And if they did, I never knew. All I knew is they were one and the same to me. My family.

I wish you much peace on your journey, within and out.

]]> By: Amy McGraner http://www.lifewiththekid.com/2010/04/09/one-big-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-56 Amy McGraner Mon, 12 Apr 2010 03:19:04 +0000 http://www.lifewiththekid.com/?p=112#comment-56 Amie, Since you and Jane are both female, you are both ‘mother’, in contrast to straight couples who have two ‘titles’ in their parenting vernacular. Perhaps the issue is that there is no role title that specifically identifies you the way ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ does. There’s no ‘primary caregiver in the preschool years’ or ‘counsel to the philosophical’ or whatever it is that defines the relationship of Mother-Daughter between you two, and so therefore, your role feels diluted. But you bring unique gifts to parenting your daughter that are wholly yours. That is the thing that defines ‘how’ you are her mother, even as it’s a title you share with Jane. Amy Amie,
Since you and Jane are both female, you are both ‘mother’, in contrast to straight couples who have two ‘titles’ in their parenting vernacular. Perhaps the issue is that there is no role title that specifically identifies you the way ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ does. There’s no ‘primary caregiver in the preschool years’ or ‘counsel to the philosophical’ or whatever it is that defines the relationship of Mother-Daughter between you two, and so therefore, your role feels diluted.

But you bring unique gifts to parenting your daughter that are wholly yours. That is the thing that defines ‘how’ you are her mother, even as it’s a title you share with Jane.

Amy

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